You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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