the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
