i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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