His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
