stop calling my apartment porn island.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
