remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize