I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize