My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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