i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
