after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
