Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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