Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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