my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
