If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
