Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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