That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
