he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize