I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
