my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
