the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
