i think my mom watched the whole time
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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