You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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