Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
