you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
