Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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