Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
