Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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