I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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