dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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