He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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