WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
