I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize