look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize