We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This baby is an asshole
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
