My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
