so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
