Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
