im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
