I accidentally had phone sex last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
