I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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