After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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