Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
