dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
