"it" just moved
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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