I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
