I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
