I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's a naked man in my car right now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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