Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
