Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize