It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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