I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
