Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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