She's like a pop up book from hell.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
