Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
