dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
