Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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