im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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