I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
