i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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