Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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