You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
