I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
