I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
