I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you didnt know i had herpes?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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