Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
