Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
