just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
