Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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