Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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