I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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