so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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