fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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